Tips to successful dating
With 40 million Americans now using online dating services, the chances of finding love online are higher than ever.However, to make the most of this, you need to know how to play the game, which is where our online dating tips can help.
My suggestions will help you to be mindful, date with your eyes and ears open, to come from a place of personal security, and to be aware of what to look for when considering progressing from dating into a fully-fledged relationship. You will find that you have much better dating experiences when you like and love you. No matter how much your body and your imagination screams yes, leave sex out of the first few dates, longer if possible. It’s a getting to know you period where you can get a sense of how much you click as well as whether you have enough going on to forge a relationship.All that someone who you feel a physical/sexual attraction to when you know nothing about their character or suitability tells you is that you are horny based on their appearance and the illusion of what they they have sex with you. Never date until you have reduced your baggage to hand luggage. Getting out there and meeting people like they used to do in ‘olden times’ (the time before t’internet), is still the most effective way. In fact, you have no real reason to talk about your ex on the first few dates.Oh and of course it’s not fair on the people you’re dating! If you are going to date online, you need the hide of a rhino, good detective skills, and a willingness and ability not to let your imagination run wild. The reason is if there is something about your ex that is vitally important that they know. If you’re already making exceptions for someone you are dating, it is a sign of not so great things to come.Making it casual indicates that you put value on the person and not the actual night out, Madeleine says.And by showing that you are not willing to give a total stranger more than 60 minutes of your time, Madeleine also says you are illustrating your own self-respect.'Ask questions of your date that demonstrate you are interested in who they are as a person,' Madeleine says.If you have sex before you get to know someone or as a of getting to know someone, it will cloud your judgement and is likely to put you in The Justifying Zone, that special mental place that we go to when we sexually or emotionally invest too soon and look, or should I say, scratch around, for reasons to justify the initial investment because we don’t like to think that we’ve slept with someone who is not appropriate for us. This period is for you to learn about the other party even if what you learn spells the end of your involvement. Contrary to popular opinion, the key thing that you need to discover is whether you share common core values – this is what will take you from dating into a bona fide relationship. While I appreciate that you’ve got to get out there and meet people, it shouldn’t be done to the exclusion of having a life otherwise every date will carry more meaning and weight than is warranted. It may feel like the best thing to do is jump back into the saddle after a break up but if you haven’t given yourself time to get over it, you are likely to end up sabotaging your dates.
If you rely on sexual chemistry and common interests and forget to discover whether you share common values and the other landmarks of healthy and successful relationships, you will mistake personality for character, lust and attraction for the presence of shared core values, and will ultimately struggle to understand why you cannot move forward with somebody with whom you believe you have so much in common. All that someone being very good at sex tells you is that they’re very good at sex and/or very practised at it. It will feel as if it’s a painful interview and it’ll become a numbers game. It is also likely that the emotions that are still attached to your ex will create drama in itself.
To do this successfully you first have to have an idea of who you are most likely to get on with and be truthful when you do it.
If you insist on dating everyone, 50% of the people you meet won't be compatible straight away.
'Find out about their interests, passions, hobbies, how they take their tea, how they grew up and their favourite memories.'Madeleine also advises making the questions quirky.
She advises asking: What is your favourite childhood cartoon character and why?
There is nothing more attractive than having someone listen to you uninterrupted and un-judged.' In short, emotions are contagious.